To miss what never existed

To miss what never existed

You can't miss something you never had! Then what is that pain that one feels with unrequited love, a broken relationship from the start, when actually the bond never had a chance to form? When you weren't even the couple who did what couples do? Or worse, you did everything that other couples do but it just doesn't feel right when the mask is off. How does one deal with that?

How does one heal from the loss of something that didn't exist? What does one do to cope with the emptiness of a bottomless bin that never even started filling?

Could it then be that, what we always knew was absent, is more real now than ever and the pain is from the realization of its non existence. The hurt from the sense of acceptance that something wasn't even given a chance or will be given a chance to form? Like the sad deadening silence of one palm waiting for another to clap on it to make a sound, only now knowing for sure it'll never happen. Like it was dead from the word GO!

Maybe the failure was palpable all throughout,  masked by different phases of time. The beginning, where we insist on only seeing the good and make excuses for the bad signs and choose to shush the little voice inside thats already telling you somethings not right, but how can you end something that's just started and for something 'so small?' Give it time we shush ourselves. The build up starts.

Enter, the middle busy phase, where everyone gets busy doing whatever it is they can, so they are acutely aware of the shit shoved under the carpet but need to ignore the sense of failure thats now starting to throb openly and is sensed better by both sides but you can't stop the wheels now and turn around because this is the middle, the thick of things. The 'kids' phase. So you kick the can forward and keep moving. Alone. Exhausted. Emtpy.

Finally, the end. When failure succeeds and screams in your face, because there is only so much one can do with a one sided effort and one palm for a clap that never struck. Bam!

The End....literally!